oh 2010 started off a little rocky but I am pulling through pretty strong. I am nursing a minor injury from the gym and today I am confident I can work out tonight.

Still fighting the good fight for a job, staying positive and productive.

Got my money, gotta pay some bills today and chop it up on the phone for a while. I feel like painting the town red but maybe chartreuse is a better color at this point. Having a ball just getting my shit together. I need to request a payoff on my car and then I am out of debt.

ha, why is it to get your 401k Money you have to Jump through hoops. We live in the age of on demand and real time. Its my money and I want it now.

well, I was finally able to cover the balance on my checking account. I have made a large amount of progress just from quitting my job. I think I am going to call it a day, I am all jittery and wired for whatever reason. Maybe just stay in tonight and drink some water.

October was a crazy month for myself and a handful of people around me. Things are far from Stagnation on just about every front. I have a job interview in Naperville and if I am lucky Downers Grove. I will have to wait a while for the next Horror convention. 

another loss another system down
all in zeros and ones
Model of computation
cracked and rusted like Nero's crown

Pieces of yesteryear water drowns
the city never sleeps
an urban nightmare
for your neon dreams and evening gowns

Southern bell to a southern cross
above and below a heartless cause
a subdued savant for a sufficed pattern
above and below a heartless cause

a stifling cycle is breaking down
a passion for abuse
fragments in the mind
Lifeless and broken for memory's spellbound

our clay feet show as our model breaks down
clinging to your faith
I locked myself away
for our needle needs, for your endless meltdown

Southern bell to a southern cross
above and below a heartless cause
a subdued savant for a sufficed pattern
above and below a heartless cause

man, I think this Rachel moving thing is getting to me, there is a trip planned to a strip club and funny hats and jackets are required, but I still feel that I should have made something out of it or done something better, we are still friends despite my lack of normality and capabilities. I should be happy that I have not made the same mistake even though things got really really bad. I guess I should be happy or at least feel all warm and fuzzy that we are still close. I think the fact that I see and project things in what seemed to be some great symbolism is my own head sometimes pisses people off. I don't know why exactly???? Robyn always said that I speak in riddle's and conundrum's.

So as of late I have been drug free. Its really difficult to be happy when you were drugging your problems to begin with. Its all over for the most part. But I would say that I will have a small amount of rum when I try everything else. My recent reading would suggest that I get on some sort of   vitamin regimen pretty soon. I will never say that I will never be intoxicated again, just that I recognize I was using drugs to keep my pain under the water level. Like I stated before Repeating the mistake dose not correct it.......thank you Luftwaffe.

So I am going to be at the old Flashback weekend to work , but its always a blast at the horror cons. Stop by and spend some money.

I just got back from dropping my grandmother off at dialysis, Its always sad, but its always nice to help people you love and care about. Medical procedures like that are always hard to watch, It makes me want to change my life style. Organic food, Figi water, vegetarian the whole 9 but do I really care that much.

Wow for some reason I am on my old sleep cycle, I guess its the job searching and other random tasks. I watched fall of the republic the new Alex Jones Documentary.

Venetian snares show on Friday and I cant go because I am jobless and in debt.  I could go into a long drawn out speech about how if I could have kept my health and stress issues in check.........but I would rather not.

 

Another week of job hunting, practicing or Procrastinating my vocal skills, and Oberwise.

I just got back from turning in a stack of job applications. It never ceases to amaze me how perplexed the masses are in  shopping districts in this area. I don't want to live in a mall, I would prefer a community that I could ignore and deal with in my own secular way.

This is a list of things that have gone down on August 8th-9th. I find this interesting.

The Atomic bomb was dropped on Nagasaki.
The first Congress of the klu klux clan was held
Wisconsin's own Edward Theodore "Ed" Gein was born
Unity Mitford was also born on the 8th 1914
in 1985 the Night Stalkers crimes were announced to the world
in 74 Nixon resigned
The Haunted Mansion was opened in California
The Tate/LaBianca murders took place at the home once belonging to Walt Disney
My mother was born
the Soviet Union declares war on The Empire of Japan in 1945
In 1990 Iraq occupies Kuwait  and the state is annexed to Iraq. This would lead to the Gulf  War shortly afterward.
Albert Kesselring was born in 1885
Arther Joseph Goldberg was born in 1908
inventor Ken Kutaragi was born (playstation)
Rikki Rockett of the band Poison was born
Italian Actress Jessica Moore (birth name: Luciana Ottaviani) was born
I could go on and on........

Something I have noticed, Now that I am currently Unemployed I have more to do than ever have in my entire life. Every door I open is another chain of questions. I could not take my job any longer and had to quit and I am dealing with it really well being I can pursue my dreams. I can actually see it all coming together and I am really getting somewhere.

Goals
1.Achieve a bachelor's degree in computer science. (Spring semester)
2.Move Out of my grandparents basement!!!
3 Get this music off my hard drive and pressed.($3500.00)
4.Finish reading Hitler and the Power of Aesthetics(I'm tellin ya its a life changer)
5.Get some of this old crap up on ebay.
6.Organize some of my conspiracy jargon into usable lecture or book format.
7.Get my 401k money out and pay some bills.
8.Get a new Tire for my pt cruiser(albatross)
Ah ! well a-day ! what evil looks
Had I from old and young !
Instead of the Inverted cross, the Albatross
About my neck was hung.
9.Sorry where was I.....OH yeah number 9. A better Job would be nice.

The sun came up way to early for me today but I am getting by. Made a checklist to stay on task today and things seem to be going pretty good. Have to get my 401k info sorted out then its off to the post office.

“Democracy is beautiful in theory; in practice it is a fallacy”

Benito Mussolini

filtering through all your student loan questions and being left with only more choices and questions is a fun process. I think I have narrowed it down to 2 schools. Now we get to play the what can I afford game!!!!!

After all this it was time to make an Oberwise chocolate and marshmallow milkshake and for some strange reason after that I did not feel like doing anything. Ever try and sing after a milkshake....it sounds like Mrs.miller.

The new Project Camelot interview with Jordon Maxwell is incredible stuff. I noticed it last week but have not had a chance to watch it until now. I have not been keeping up on this stuff for a few months, and zachariah sychin was some of the reading I did so this was interesting.

Spending most of my time looking into schools and student loans. All damn day, I guess this is what going back to school....working the left brain over and over.

I got a ton of mail to sort through and a ton of ebay stuff to do. After that Maybe go back to the student loan information.

yep, went to the music box  massacre over the weekend had a great time watching movies, hanging out, and bullshitting was just a blast. Also had an interesting reflection about wanting to move to the city when I went into a CVS looking for a pack of smokes under $7.22......boy was that interesting.

pounding the pavement for a job still going pretty good over all. Thank our FORD for careerbuilder and its lazy goodness. I love the Idea of every company that has a sales or commission only job contacting anyone with an account. It is just very clever.

Got to help Peaches with his homework the other day, that was my good deed for the week. I should not say that I made him read my lyrics. Actually he was quite surprised, especially by the spelling.

I have most of the Tracks, ready mixed and mastered to my liking now I just have to practice practice practice and deliver the lyrics. All fitting into place.

I watched Manhattan Baby last night that was an interesting one...I am always in the mood for Italian horror films.

But right now I just feel wiped out

[URL]http://www.mediafire.com/?inzjyqbn43k[/URL]